Notes
by Cereal-Killa
Summary: I probably wouldn't deal with you if you were ugly. But you're hot, so who cares? And yes I do deal with you. I deal with the fact that you talk too freaking much. Why don't you just put out already? -Duncan and Courtney pass notes in class. -Enjoy-
1. Dear Princess

**Notes**

Duncan/Courtney

By Cereal-Killa

Notes (_lol, same as the title_): Rated for language and sexual references.

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

I hate you, ogre.

Hate you forever, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Tell me something I don't know, sweetheart.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

OK, here's something you don't know: C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y.

And that's how you spell my name. Not P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S, not S-W-E-E-T-H-E-A-R-T, not even D-A-R-L-I-N-G!

Just C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y.

That concludes our 'Being Smart for Dumbass Delinquents' segment.

Sincerely, C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y

* * *

><p>Dear P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S:<p>

Oh, so that's how you spell it? I always thought it was spelled P-R-U-D-E.

And you should really attend 'Being Sexy for Bitchy Chicks' class.

It'd make being around you so much more enjoyable.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

What? I am _not_ a prude! I hate it when you say that!

And I'm not bitchy, and… and… what, am I ugly or something?

And I'm not here for your entertainment, ass!

Spell this: F-U

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Yeah, **sure **you're not a prude…

Um, sorry, but you are bitchy.

Ugly? Oh lord, Princess.

And yes you are.

Fu? Fu? What the hell does that mean, _prude_?

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

I'm not! AND I'M NOT BITCHY! I just get mad easily and I don't like people like you. That doesn't make me bitchy!

So I'm ugly?

Fu means you jack off in your sleep, you pervert.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

The fact that you deny it makes you even more bitchy. And people like me? You hate everyone, sunshine, don't try to lie.

Princess… you're an idiot. You're ugly? Yeah right. Do you think I would deal with you if you were ugly?

Don't be mad because that mental image of me beating my meat turned you on!

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

I don't hate everyone! Just most people.

You tell me, Duncan. Would you deal with me if I was ugly, or are you really that superficial? And you don't deal with me- you annoy the shit out of me!

Beating your meat? Duncan, that's disgusting.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Name ten people you don't hate. And no family, babe.

Nope. I probably wouldn't deal with you if you were ugly. But you're hot, so who cares? And yes I do deal with you. I deal with the fact that you talk too freaking much. Why don't you just put out already?

Ha, I've got more where that came from, darling. It's not disgusting- it's just slang.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Why should I?

Why don't I put out? Duncan, we aren't together, and we don't even like each other!

Well, don't use slang terms, Duncan. It makes you sound like more of an idiot than you already do.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

You don't want to name them because you're afraid that you can't! Backing down from a challenge, sweetie? Shame, shame, Princess.

So? You don't have to be together to do it. And who said we didn't like each other?

OK, fine then. Don't be mad because the mental image of me…

-masturbating

-jerking off

-blowing my load

-being my own best friend

-playing the piss pipe

-slamming my salami

-milking my monkey

-doing the Pamela Anderson polka

-yanking my doodle (it's a dandy!)

…Turned you on.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

I'm not backing down! I'll list ten people then. Just give me a moment to think…

…We like each other?

YANKING YOUR DOODLE? You are one sick, twisted cookie.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Well, get cracking with that list! I'm waiting.

I mean, we don't really hate each other, you know… and I know you like me! That's why you have mental images in your head of me milking my monkey.

Oh come on! Don't lie and say that those names didn't even get a snicker out of you.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Don't rush me, you ass! Anyways, here it is:

-My lawyer

-My other lawyer

-My dog

-Bridgette

-That raccoon we found outside last year (my heart still belongs to you, Brittany!)

-The school counselor

-Your mother

-Your mother's cooking (it really does deserve a category all its own)

-My Spanish tutor

-Oprah

I know we don't hate each other! I mean, I joke about it but… and I don't _like_ like you! And I have never had any mental images of you quote: "slamming your salami" :unquote! I'm a pure, innocent girl.

Maybe I did laugh, but you'll never know, idiot.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Oh come on, honey! Even you know that list was lame.

First off: Lawyers don't count. You don't love them! I've heard you speaking to them on the phone many times, and that is anything but loving conversation. Your dog, I can understand that, because I love your dog. I also get Bridgette, since she's your best friend and everything, and that god damned raccoon? Are you joking? That thing tried to maim me!

The school counselor? Unacceptable, sweetheart, she is a total bitch.

My ma and my ma's cooking… alright, you got me there, and Oprah is your favorite... But your Spanish tutor is Alejandro. Explain. Now.

Pure? Innocent? Excuse, I gotta go, the smell of bullshit is getting too strong.

Oh, don't be like that, sunshine.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

It was so not lame!

Brittany was right for trying to eat you. Why do you think I loved her so?

The school counselor is a great person! Strict, unruly, and hurtful… but what's so wrong with that?

Why do I have to explain Alejandro? It's not like its crazy or something. He's a nice guy.

Oh, whatever, at least I'm more _pure _than you'll ever be!

And I'll be however the hell I want, bastard!

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Oh, whatever, that's why Brittany is probably road kill now. And the school counselor is a bitch… don't even try to argue. You just gave three bitchy qualities right there. Stop with the denial.

You have to explain it because it makes no sense. What's so good about that guy? He's an idiot, if you ask me. And he only **acts **nice. At least I'm real with people.

…True. And I love it when you order me around like that, babe. Me-ow.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Don't hate on Brittany! And fine. She's a bitch. No reason why I can't like her.

Duncan, are you comparing yourself to him? Are you… jealous?

And I don't play that S&M shit, Duncan. You can experiment with that on your own time, freak.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

See, you admit! I win.

What? No way! No. I'm not comparing myself to that jerk! There's no reason, why the hell would I need to do that, I already know I'm better than that bastard. And I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? Jealous of what, exactly? Anyways, I'm not. Not jealous I mean. Of him. He just isn't right for you, that's all.

Oh, you can expect that I will, honey.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Whatever.

Sounding defensive there. I don't know what you would be jealous of, Duncan, what do you think? And he isn't right for me?

Are you implying that maybe someone else _is?_

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

I'm not getting defensive! I don't know what I'm jealous of, I mean… I'm jealous of nothing!

No, he isn't right for you!

I don't know who else would be, it's not like you need to start looking for dates, just stay… single. You're better that way.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Jealous of nothing, or course you aren't jealous of anything.

Who are you to say he isn't right for me? And I can find all the dates I want, thank you! Maybe I'll ask out DJ or maybe Cody or maybe even Alejandro! See? I am a woman, an independent woman!

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

I'm not jealous!

And he's just not! Don't ask anyone out, okay? That's not what I was trying to tell you to do.

You know what? Fuck it. Miss Strong Independent Woman, you should go on a date with me. There.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Um…

Alright.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

…Are you serious?

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

Why the hell would I be joking jackass? Gosh, you're such an idiot sometimes.

Pick me up at seven.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

Best damn note I've ever passed in my whole life.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan:<p>

…I'll admit, 'milking my monkey' made me giggle.

But only a little bit!

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess:<p>

I knew it.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p><strong>A<strong>uthor **s**tuff: Yeah, so I might continue this. If people want me to. Maybe. It would just be notes passed between Duncan and Courtney, and maybe a few others, eventually, all following a story line. :) Weeell thanks for reading lovies~

Much love, Cereal


	2. Dear Duncan

**Notes 2**

by Cereal-Killa

Originally a one-shot, now with extra! :) Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

So listen.

You know how, yesterday, when we were watching the movie, you screamed and I told you it is okay to be scared? Doesn't make you lame, just makes you someone who embraces fear and concurs it by summoning the courage? You remember that?

Well, yeah, about that.

I lied.

Damn sweetheart, you were about to shit a brick you were so scared! Ha!

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

So listen.

You know how, yesterday, when we were at that theatre, you blushed and I told you that you were so cute sometimes? And even when you scowled at me, I just told you that it was okay to be nervous in front of girls, that I wouldn't judge you and that it just makes you more of a man? Remember that, honey?

Actually, it's really funny.

I lied!

You aren't 'hard', Duncan. You are a cuddle bunny, a kitten, a baby penguin- you're soft, lame, and un-manly. And you know what I smelled, yesterday, when you were all apprehensive and hyperventilating over the thought of putting your arm around me?

Pussy! I smell pussy, Duncan, the nasty kind.

So 'ha' that, fucktard.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Why so harsh, babe? Feel like I've been stabbed through the heart.

Oh, wait.

No I don't. Wanna know why? Because I'm more badass than your prude ass will ever be. And I didn't blush! Liar!

And you know what I smell? A dog, a female dog, to be more exact, a _bitch _if you will.

How exactly do you 'ha' something, little miss sunshine? Riddle me that.

Riddle. Me. That.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

Yeah right! You did **so **blush! A little freaking ketchup bottle, a tomato, a chili pepper, a fire truck… other red things! You were red!

Me?! A bitch?! At least I'm a domestic household pet, you disgusting farm animal, and yes, I am referring to a _pig, _moron.

By shoving it so far up your ass your dick falls off, that's how, asshole!

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

You know what isn't red? Your soul. It's just a big, black, endless hole of nothing! There! I said it!

As long as I'm not a pony, then sure thing, woman.

Oh, Princess, didn't know you could be so kinky.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

Well, so is your brain!

Ponies are spectacular! And kinky, Duncan? That is considered kinky to you?

You know, I don't even know why I agreed to go out on a date with you in the first place, as though you could ever be more than the ignorant asshole you always are!

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Well I don't even remember why the hell I asked you out! You're still a total bitch and me asking you on a date obviously isn't going to change that!

Sincerely, Duncan

* * *

><p><span><strong>NEXT CLASS<strong>

* * *

><p>Hey Duncan,<p>

What's wrong man?

-Geoff

* * *

><p>To Geoff,<p>

Shut the hell up. I fucked up with my sunshine, okay?

Nothing else to say.

-Duncan

* * *

><p>Hey Duncan,<p>

**Your **sunshine?

-Geoff

* * *

><p>To Geoff,<p>

You looking to get shanked?

-Duncan

* * *

><p>Hey Duncan,<p>

Calm it! I'm just saying, you might wanna mend things fast. I can tell you really like Courtney.

-Geoff

* * *

><p>To Geoff,<p>

Whatever.

But thanks.

-Duncan

* * *

><p>Hey Duncan,<p>

So did you have a sparkle-happy-fun time on your date?! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

-Geoff

* * *

><p>To Geoff,<p>

Die.

Slowly.

-Duncan

* * *

><p><span><strong>NEXT CLASS<strong>

* * *

><p>Court,<p>

Hey, so what's going on with you and Duncan? You guys look like you both had an freaking intense argument, not a first date.

-Bridgette

* * *

><p>Bridge,<p>

We didn't argue. Just went on the date. Nothing is wrong with me!

-Courtney

* * *

><p>Court,<p>

Yeah, right. Trying to lie to me, Courtney? I've been your best friend for years. I know you too well for that.

Don't try and screw with me. What are you hiding?!

-Bridgette

* * *

><p>Bridge,<p>

He kissed me. That asshole.

-Courtney

* * *

><p>Court,<p>

OMG are you joking?!

-Bridgette

* * *

><p>Bridge,<p>

No, why the hell would I joke about something like that, idiot!? He kissed me, I kissed back, then we were both quiet, then this morning I could NOT be more pissed at him and then he told me that he can't even remember why he asked me out in the first place!

He's such a petty idiot! He's disgusting, perverted, stupid, ignorant, ugly, dumb, and I hate him! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I just freaking HATE HIM!

…Why doesn't he like me anymore?!

-Courtney

* * *

><p>Court,<p>

Oh gosh, Courtney! Please stop getting upset.

I guess it's just Duncan's normal reaction to joke and tease you and you got angry because you felt like he wasn't acknowledging the growth in your relationship. He's probably just embarrassed and nervous! And you know you probably irked him on to say something that rude; he doesn't just become spiteful out of nowhere. You both just perturbed each other, that's all.

And I'm sure he's still secretly worshiping the ground you walk on as we speak, Court!

-Bridgette

* * *

><p>Bridge,<p>

I AM NOT UPSET! I'm not crying, I just need some eye drops, that's all.

Oh, whatever, Bridgette, like you know anything! And no I didn't irk him! …Okay, maybe a little bit but not really. Kind of. But not all the way! I will not be blamed!

But… um, thanks. You know. For the advice. It makes sense.

And worshipping the ground I walk on? Puh-lease. Yeah right.

-Courtney

* * *

><p>Court,<p>

_Of course _you aren't upset.

_Of course_ you aren't to blame.

And _of course_ he doesn't worship the ground you walk on.

_Of course._

I know _nothing_.

;O

-Bridgette

* * *

><p>Bridge,<p>

Damn straight.

;O

-Courtney

* * *

><p><span><strong>LAST PERIOD<strong>

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

I need a pencil.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

Sorry, I only have one left. I'm saving it for later, when I finally gain the advantage and am able to stab you to death without any witnesses who I couldn't easily take down in the event they find it smart to tattle on me.

Also, that's the dumbest excuse to talk to me yet, Duncan. You used a pencil to write this freaking note.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Ha freaking ha. You're hilarious!

And whatever, so it is a dumb excuse. You being hot is a dumb excuse for you also being a pain in my ass, doesn't mean I can't accept it.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

I know I am!

You are so stupid, whatever Duncan, ugh.

...Does that mean you still think I'm hot?

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Sunshine, you're the hottest girl in school. One argument ain't gonna change that, no way.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

Hmm.

Pick me up at ten tonight, okay? We're going out.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Where to?

If I may make a suggestion, my bed is always free. 24/7, 365, sweet pea.

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>Dear Duncan,<p>

God, you're such an ogre!

...Never change.

Sincerely, Courtney

* * *

><p>Dear Princess,<p>

Wouldn't dream of it. ;)

Love, Duncan

* * *

><p>AN: Decided to add more, didja like it? :) Thanks for reading, my lovely duckies! Much love, Cereal


End file.
